Life Lesson From My Mom: SELF CARE

One of the core values of Arise&Be is “living fully: mind, body, heart and spirit.” In order to live a full life, we need to be intentional about something that is a struggle for many women, SELF CARE. So this week, we’re thrilled to have guest blogger, Tami Hackbarth, share her thoughts on why self care is essential to our goals of being productive, whole-hearted people. Thank you Tami!

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I tried so hard not to roll my eyes at my mom when she shared this bit of wisdom with me as a teenager. In fact I’m pretty sure I almost pulled a muscle from trying not to roll my eyes in front of her. I didn’t want to be rude, but really.

What could my mom possibly know about life?

She is, well, my mom.

So on we went. She pretended not to notice the eye rolling and I pretended I was listening….

People can only love you as much as you love yourself.


Recently I was lamenting that I wish someone had told me the secret to a happy, healthy life and it hit me.

Someone had.

My mom was right.

People can only love you as much as you love yourself.

If you don’t love you – and treat yourself well – how will anyone else?

People can only love you as much as you love yourself.

You may be saying, “of course I love myself! Who doesn’t?”

But really it comes down to this.

Self-care is a direct indicator to how much you love you.

•If you aren’t making your own care a priority – are you really loving you?

•If you are constantly exhausted from putting everyone’s needs before your own – are you really loving on you?

•If you can’t remember the last time you felt rested, relaxed, refreshed, nourished, nurtured and abundant – are you really loving on you?

The secret to a healthy, happy life is self-care. The secret to loving your life is self-care. The secret to feeling loved and nurtured and nourished is, you guessed it, self-care.

When you are taking care of yourself, you are showing the world that you are important. You demonstrate to your family, friends and most of all to yourself, that you are worthy of deep, nurturing, nourishing self-care and love.

Self-care matters because WE matter.




I learned this lesson the hard way. Of course.

Before I started taking care of myself, I mean really taking care of myself, I thought I was going to have to quit teaching – a job I absolutely love and believe is my calling – because I was so unhealthy, and unhappy.

I was working all the time, not making time for friends or family or fun. I was fueling myself on adrenaline, caffeine and sugar. I was skipping exercise and skimping on sleep – while suffering from massive anxiety and insomnia – just to keep my head above water. I thought I was doing the right thing because if you constantly feel behind, you just need to work longer and harder. Right?

Fast forward to a few years into the job. I was exhausted – physically and emotionally – and when my principal finally stepped in for an intervention of sorts — he asked me if I was happy being a teacher and my answer was to sob in his office. I knew the jig was up.

I had to change what I was doing.

Enter restorative yoga.

What is restorative yoga?

Restorative yoga can be thought of active relaxation. It is different from the yoga you’ve probably experienced before. The biggest difference is that in restorative yoga we lie down with blankets, bolsters, blocks, straps, sandbags, over chairs and make ourselves very comfortable for up to 30 minutes per pose.

Yep, we lie down and relax our bodies and minds. That’s the yoga.

In other words, probably the most difficult part of the class/practice is making it there on time or actually setting aside time to do it. Or not falling asleep. Or weeping because you can’t believe how tired you are.

If you can easily get down on the floor and up again, we’re golden. We get comfy on the floor and let the props do the work. Our job in restorative yoga is to relax the body and hopefully the mind will follow.

Other people may have a more technical explanation, but I feel like lying down with the purpose of relaxing the body and brain is a good way to put it.

People have asked why I get so much out of a practice that essentially looks like I’m laying on the floor quietly doing nothing.

It does seems silly. Until you do it for a while and you realize some things about yourself.



The last word:

So for some of  you this restorative yoga (self care) may be hard. It may be the last, most least productive thing that you can think of doing but we want you to actually experience it for at least six weeks (15 minutes a day is all I ask) before you make the call that it has nothing to offer you.

What we resist is most often what we most need.

Remember what my mom said – people can only love you as much as you love yourself.

How can you show yourself some self-love today?

– Tami


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